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Relationship OCD

By: Sally Aquire - Updated: 2 May 2017 | comments*Discuss
Ocd Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

Although Relationship OCD is not very widely talked about as one of the main symptoms of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Relationship OCD (otherwise known as Relationship Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, or ROCD) affects many OCD sufferers – many of whom are unaware that their intrusive thoughts and images are actually connected to their OCD.

What is Relationship OCD?

In Relationship OCD, it is common for sufferers to repeatedly question whether their current partner is really the right person for them, and whether they actually love their partner or not. Most people are well aware of the fact that no relationship is without its flaws and bad points, but sufferers of Relationship OCD are often unable to recognise this.

This can lead sufferers to believe that they cannot be truly in love with their partner. In other cases, they can also think that they are somehow too 'flawed' to love another person. Either way, Relationship OCD will often result in temporary or permanent break-ups, and sufferers will often throw away relationships that are perfectly adequate because they feel that their feelings for their partner are not how they should be. This tends to put huge strain on the relationship, which sufferers may also use as a 'sign' that the relationship is failing or has already failed.

If sufferers go on to end the relationship, they will often have no real idea as to why they are doing so (other than the fact that their feelings are not 'right'), and cannot give a good enough reason if pressed.

Even if sufferers know deep down that they do love their partner, they will frequently check with themselves that this is still real. The constant doubts eat away at the sufferer and are often mentally exhausting - as is the case with most OCD symptoms.

Triggers for Relationship OCD

Relationship OCD can be triggered by different thoughts and images, and this will often vary from sufferer to sufferer. Movies, television programmes and songs can often act as strong triggers.

When watching or listening to these, sufferers of Relationship OCD will often begin to question why their relationship does not mirror the deep emotional connection that is on display, without taking into account the fact that these are idealised and often entirely unrealistic. They can convince themselves that their relationship is not working because it is not the same. These thoughts can become all-consuming, to the point where the sufferer chooses to end the relationship.

Other sufferers will judge their relationship according to what they see around them, particularly with regards to other people's relationships.

Sufferers will often experience visual intrusions that act as a 'spike' (trigger). These can include having images of kissing someone, and having constant thoughts about them. For example, an image of a partner kissing someone else may randomly enter the mind of a suffer. While most people who do not suffer from OCD would be able to dismiss this fairly easily as paranoia, a sufferer of Relationship OCD will torture themselves with thoughts of their partner being unfaithful.

Read more about OCD in our article What is OCD.

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I am really hoping somebody would help me out here I am a 17 year old and I've been through 2 significant OCD phases before both of them were Pure O where I would keep obsessing over something for. eg. I am gay after randomly coming across a gay tv scene. I've been able to cope with these through self help and I've never been to a therapist, recently I got into a relationship with a boy we talked over texts for a month and then i asked him out because I really liked talking to him and I wanted to be more than friends unfortunately in the regiom we live in open dating is not allowed and so we haven't been able to meet up yet we just talk over texts. He is a great guy but he is not much of a romantic whereas I am. There are a few differences of opinions between us to but who doesnt have them right? Its only been a couple of weeks since we got into this relationship but from the past few days I cant seem to stop obsessing over our relationship and whether or not he really is into me I have thoughts like "What if we dont match" "What if he leaves me" "What if he is not as much into me as I am into him" The problem is I know it will take time to form bonds and actually see where this relationship is going but I do not seem to have the patience for it.I constantly keep on trying to get reassurances from him,asking him if he really likes me or not trying to get him to flirt (he isn't a very corny person) and i know at some point it'll get annoying for him especially seeing that we are just in the beginning of this thing. Help me!
Iva - 28-Apr-17 @ 7:56 AM
I thought the situation I just went through would be a perfect example to put on this site. I was recently dumped by a girl after two months of dating. Basically it started as your typical relationship, where we went on a few dates to feel each other out and see if we liked each other. I honestly thought after my first with her that I would never hear from her again because I thought I was too quiet, shy and perhaps a bit awkward. However, she texted me later that day and we set up a second date. By the third date, things got pretty hot and heavy where we were literally that annoying couple at the bar, making out, being all touchy-feely for hours. After that the texts flowed back and forth effortlessly. To be honest, I was a bit overwhelmed at first by just how much she was texting me, but since I really like her too, I didn't mind and reciprocated each of her many long texts with long answers. This went on for just over a month. We eventually started getting intimate and on nights where we were out with friends we would usually meet up and spend the night with each other. Then I started to notice something: her texts were shorter, didn't have the usual :) :) :) ending to them and she seemed less interested. Because I have misread and overanalyzed things like this before in the past and I will admit I've wrecked perfectly good relationships because I stressed out over something like not getting a text back fast enough or its content didn't satisfy me enough. Now after making those mistakes and gaining enough experience to tell myself that they are after all 'just texts' and they are totally different from talking to someone over the phone or being with them I don't stress out and analyze. The real test is seeing if they are acting different around you. Anyways, we kept dating and things seemed great. After six weeks it happened to be my birthday and I met up with her at her place after hanging out with my family and spent the night. In the morning she made me breakfast and surprise me with a little present (sugar cookies she had baked me that actually had designs on them that referred to this art exhibit we checked out on our first date). Super sweet no? How could I not love that? Things seemed to get better after that. We hung out the next weekend where things seemed to progress even more: she met my brother-in-law one night and then I met up with her and one of her friends with one of my buddy's the next. Really felt like things were growing very organically. We tried to do something new and different for every date and get to know each other more. Then it started happening, seemingly out of the blue. She seemed more distant the next few dates and then on one of them where I took her to a Louis CK stand up show, she basically wouldn't touch me. I would try and touch her but she basically just crossed her arms the entire show and kind of ruined it for me because it was obvious something was wrong. I didn't see her for a
mckmats - 13-Feb-17 @ 6:18 PM
I wanted to write you cause my now ex boyfriend had ROCD. he was diagnosed with OCD when he was very young and also with an anxiety disorder. We were 3 years together and I have to say i was mostly painful cause his doubts, worries and anxieties made him cold, distant and erratic. he used to tell me every so often he wanted to see other people and that he wasn't sure if the relationship was "good for him" or if it was "the right relationship" . He would never said I love you and every time he did i could see he was incredible uncomfortable. he didn't want to move in with me or even come to my home country to visit. He would break up with me for a few weeks just to call me and tell me how much he missed me. he would say he would havelove to move in with me but he would get so anxious about being close and all those doubts never left his side. Obviously it was devastating for me, for a really long time until i decide to break up 2 month ago. After we break up he kissed my friend who was his best friend's girl. I know very messed up and if you ask me incredible self destructive. He literally hurt the people closes to him. I love him very much and I know he loved me too. I could see it. but he could never be content and in peace in the relationship. There were a lot of times and even now where i'm trying to help him to realise that he could do something about it, but i'm starting to think there is nothing I can do and he's never gonna change cause it's easier to stay in the comfort zone , living a life that even though frustrates him is familiar. He took the break up like nothing was happening. very strange.. I'm very very sad and he seems (not sure about this) to be ok with this. Even though he says it kills him not to be able to have a relationship with me, but he's not willing to do anything. He parties, drinks, sometimes uses coke and his life seem to be completely normal from the outside, while I'm really really struggling. Even though it was me who ended up things cause I just couldn't do it anymore. I don't know if I should just move on and accept that is just the way he is and he's never gonna change or at least not in the near future, or ifthere´s something I could do. he's very upset that i can't forgive him because he kissed my friend, which I find very odd. If he doesn't want to be with me then why is he so so upset about me not forgiving him?? I haven't replied to any of his texts cause I know it won't be good for me. But what's the best way to help someone? Should I just disappear from his life until one day (might not come) he realises he actually loved and had a good relationship with me and decides to change or is there another way to make him see what's really going on. We did have a pretty good relationship apart from that. We had so much fun together and loads of things in common. he keeps saying he thinks i'm an amazing person and he was very lucky to have had me in his life,but he
Sisley1020 - 22-Dec-16 @ 6:12 PM
Hi Blake, thoughts can be deceiving, so can feeling, you say you love your partner 100%, then there is your answer. Everything else is irrelevant, trust what you can say, not what you can feel, love is a choice, if you choose to be with that person then what are you afraid of? I would imagine if you did not love this person, you would not have taken the time to explain yourself and to seek reassurance, you would simply be OK. I hope I helped.
Jay - 14-Nov-16 @ 4:01 AM
Hi all I don't know if people still post on here or what but I really need some help with what I'm going through right now. I have been with my girlfriend for 1 year next month and everything has been fine up until about a few weeks ago. I started having major doubts about my relationship and how I really felt about her. At first this sent me into a dark place of anxiety and fear. When I read up about ROCD I related to it so much. It did give me a little relief however the obsessive controlling thoughts still found there way back into my head. I lost my appetite and didn't feel myself at all. It really started to confuse me because I wasn't and still am not sure if the thoughts I am having are true or if it is really ROCD? it is so hard to tell. I would like to know how people cope with this and be happy again because deep down I know I 100% love her. Another thing is I'm only 19 and she is 18 just to clarify that. However this is definitely the first relationship I have had where it's serious and When I try hard I really can see a nice future with her it's just my ROCD tells me otherwise and it's really mentally and physically draining. I have a therapy assessment in the next couple of weeks and hopefully then I will find out a lot more because at the moment I just can't stop looking stuff up and questioning everything. I don't want all this to have a bad effect on my relationship because when it's going great it's amazing. I have good days and bad days like everyone does just my bad days are the worst! I am not to keen on medication for this at all however if it does get any worse I may consider it because it's driving me insane and having such a bad effect on my daily life. Can someone please give me some advice on what to do? Because I am new to all this I have no clue what to do. Any comments will be appreciated massively. Thank you
Blake1603 - 2-Oct-16 @ 12:47 PM
High there I think I am suffering with rocd All I do is think about my wife with another man Constantly asking if she loves me Checking her phone Always worried she wants another man Watching how she dresses Thinking about her 24/7 and where she might be I really need help Can someone help me with this Thank you
Davey - 8-Apr-16 @ 3:49 PM
I am the wife of a ROCD. We have been married for 20 years and he is the most wonderful husband in the world, BUT he has severe OCD. I habe been very understanding of his conditionn, I have read many books about OCD to better understand what his pain is comming from, but it still hurt to see the person I love hurt so much and hurting me in the process. When he's OCD is high, he gets this thoughts of thinking obbssesive of another woman and gets too anxious about it. The problem is not only that, the problem is that he feels the need to confess to me (that's his compulsion) in order to feel he's doing the wright thing (in his mind) only hurting me in the process. You see, for him in order to feel "reassurance" or his "fix" or compulsion, is to confess, so I would tell him everything is OK. But is never OK, a wife who feels that there is another woman in his husband mind feels betrayed and unloved. This last time (after suffering with the same issue 4-5 times) I asked him to look for help. I didn't want to be dealing with his OCD for the rest of my life. He agreed and went to see a therapist and was also refered to a psychiatrist who prescribed medication for anxiety. It's been a month now, and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. His anxiety is way better and talking with a counselor helps him with the need to confess to me. I will start theraphy myself soon, and then we will take couples theraphy (although our marriage is "perfect" we love each other and treat each other with respect) we have to learn how to handle OCD episodes in the future as well as helping us heal our past wounds. Anyway, as the wife, I urge you to seek help, get medication if that is going to save your life or your relationship. I know some people don't want to take that path, but it could really save your life and restore your happiness again. Go to counseling too, the combination of both, medication and having someone who really know how to help you will make you see a different way of living. And very important, know that you are NOT crazy or alone. There is no cure for OCD but you can learn how to handle it and live a successful life. Wishing you my best in the process. Blessings.
The wife of a ROCD - 11-Feb-16 @ 2:11 PM
@adda. It does sound as though therapy might help you, or at least put your mind at rest regarding some of the behaviours that you display.
OCDSymptoms - 1-Jul-15 @ 2:48 PM
I have sort of the opposite issue where I cling and become borderline obsessive about a person. I've pushed people away this way. Currently, it's happening with one of my closest friends and I'm really freaked out. I know I give him mixed signals; one day I think I'm madly in love with him, and the next I don't think we're anymore than friends. Everyone tells me I'm not actually in love with him, which just makes me insanely angry because how can you tell someone what they do or don't feel?? And how the hell am I supposed to go through my life wondering whether I love someone or my OCD is having fun putting a poor guy through hell? Regardless, I don't think I could live with myself if I hurt this guy. He's an absolute angel to me. Would it be cool to seek professional help? My compulsion is to "confess" and this is also starting to be directed towards the same guy because I trust him so much. I would rather have an actual therapist than have my friend play therapist and put him through that.
Adda - 29-Jun-15 @ 2:55 AM
@memyselfI. Thanks for telling us about this and we hope you manage to find a way to improve your own situation.
OCDSymptoms - 15-May-15 @ 12:14 PM
Ocd is the hardest thing in my life to have dealt with. My husband has it and I never saw the warning signs before marriage or even early in our marriage. He has scrupulosity and ROCD.I'm not sure how much longer I can deal with it. I know its a sickness and he is trying to work on the religious part right now but doesn't want to admit to the Rocd. He worries about people at work liking him-his boss especially, worries about getting fired, has issues with me and my past, and my parents, has issues with his own parents. Doesn't feel loved by God or anybody. I say I love him and he tells me he hears me but doesn't believe me or trust me. He doesn't say it back to me. Yes I've done things over the 18 years to hurt him-I'm human. I was a taker and very opinionated but am no longer like that but he reminds me often of all the pain I've caused him-he relives it constantly and he says it feels so real and like it just happened every time. He used to ask me about past boyfriends and wanted to know every minute detail and even told me-well if you love me-you'll have sex with me-you had sex with so and so! Now the current thing is distress between my parents and him-it is so unbearable-I've come to hate life but I have 3 precious kids I live for. I guess I'm just venting-but my advice is seek help, take medication, read all you can and hope for the best!
Memyself and I - 11-May-15 @ 4:10 PM
Friends, I pray you arrive at a normal view of your beloveds. Perhaps he/she is not the one....or perhaps all this pseudo-science points to something quite real and actually quite simple and common: at times we must take the LEAP into the beloved's arms beyond that nitpicking old self of ours. Only time and openness to a further diminishing of ourselves will bring one to peace.
IHS1962 - 6-Aug-14 @ 3:25 AM
Hello all, I have been suffering from OCD for one year. It´s the worst illness I have ever had. It started one year ago when I underwent operation and splitted up with the boyfriend I loved much. It was his choice. Then we were together again but my doubts about him and the feelings were my everyday nightmare. The negative thought were every day, it took few hours every day. I didn´t know that it´s OCD. So I splitted up with him but I didn´t feel relief. Then I had a lot of symptoms regarding: doubts about my sexuality, I had a lot of sexual images, that stressed me a lot and my anxiety were unbearable. I couldnt eat, sleep, nothing, I looked like an anorexic and felt sad, I couldn´t working at the office. Then I went to the hospital. There I realized that I´m mentally ill. Depression with OCD. I have been using drugs for one year and going to the psychologist. Now I´m work and my boyfried (still the same) know all about my illness a he treats me every day and help my with the doubts and thougts, but sometimes I still don´t know if the feeling are true or not. I always ask him. I hope that the illness will leave very soon. The best help is if you have a good doctor, psychiatrist and partner.
Monkey - 1-Jul-14 @ 10:54 AM
Hi I don't know if snyone will read this but it's okay, I just want to get it out. For the first 19 years of my life, I've never been in a relationship, never been kissed, etc.I also had a problem with pushing away close friends for no reason other than it was too much pressure for me to sustain a good relationship. I am very introverted and I prefer being alone rather than being with people. However, I felt alone in my life. I was so lonely that it lead to depression, even though I practically did it to myself... Around last year I met this boy I really liked. We quickly be became good friends, and my feelings for him started to grow stronger. I had never felt so strongly about anyone before, and I wanted to make sure I never pushed him away like I did with so many other people. He was literally everything I've ever wanted in a guy, and we got along very well. After I confessed my feelings for him, he admitted that he felt the same about me. I was supposed to be excited about this, but for some reason it triggered a lot of anxiety. I began to overanalyze everything I did and felt after that. (Am I smiling at his messages? Do I feel happy warm butterflies when we kiss? Do I feel the way people do in movies and books?) I wanted so badly for this to be perfect, but the constant overthinking was getting in the way of enjoying our relationship. Out of nowhere, I woke up with overwhelming anxiety one day and I was wondering why I didn't feel like I was supposed to. Of course my brain was like "well, maybe you don't really love him" and I PANICKED. Of course I loved him! I felt so happy and calm and comfortable around him. I cared about him. I wanted to do everything with him.The intrusive thoughts got worse and worse and I felt uneasy around him, although I knew deep down I still loved him, I kept seeking reassurance for my feelings. Maybe it was because it is my first serious relationship and I got scared and started to overthink everything, and usually my first reaction to new experiences is to pull away. I knew he's been hurt by girls in the past before, and maybe I was afraid I would do the same. Maybe the infatuation stage was wearing off (even though that is supposed to happen) and I mistaked it for losing feelings? Maybe I was afraid if pushing him away like I did to everyone else? Maybe it was a huge combination of all of the above? I've spoken to him about it, and to my surprise, he understood what I was going through. He even told me that second guessing your feelings towards your partner is very common. When I found out recently about ROCD, I was so relieved to see that I wasn't alone in feeling this way.I've been suffering with OCD and anxiety for years, so I figured it was related to my disorder.I began to fight my compulsive behavior, and I abandoned the majority of those time consuming OCD rituals. The intrusive thoughts, however, are more difficult to control. The harder I try to not think about them,
Aradawn - 15-May-14 @ 12:15 PM
Until a few hours ago, i had absolutely no idea about whats happening with me.. N just out of a hunch i searched for OCD wherei found this link. I am totally astonished (somehow glad) that i am not the only one n i could really get help. I have never felt my feelings explained this precisely.. And even more, user Waynester has explained 100% of what i'v been feeling but so sad his post is not colmplete. I was hoping for a cure. I am not sure of anything. I am always doubting myself and my feelings. It stresses me out so much i get mentally so tired and leaves me completely unable to think sensibly. Only feelings i feel i have left are self-doubt, fear and procrastination. I am really glad that i came here and i am hoping a remedy for this disorder. I would be really grateful if anyone could help me n if you r reading this, user Waynester,i wud like to read you full post and know what you, sir, did to get over this.
anonymous - 12-May-14 @ 4:16 PM
Are people still using this forum a lot of the discussions seems out dated and I have several questions about ROCD. Please answer if so. Thanks
Confused - 11-Jan-14 @ 10:03 PM
I was in a relationship with my recent ex for a little over 2yrs. He has Pure O OCD and immediately after we were intimate for the first time the questions and obsessive behavior started.I made the choice to stay with him and tried to understand and sympathize.He broke up with me twice during all of this and took months long hiatuses from our relationship all the while contacting me to make sure that I remained in his life.We got back together last year after being apart for 3 months when he realized that he might lose me for good, and everything for the most part was fine until a few months ago when I met his family for the first time (they live out of the country) and we started discussing the possibility of moving in together (this was mentioned numerous times before) suddenly he became very distant I saw the signs of another break up on the horizon.This time he wanted to take an indefinate hiatus.Unfortunately, I couldn't do it again even though I'm madly in love with him.I kept asking him why and all he could say is that his anxiety was off the chart and he just keeps feeling like something is just wrong, it's just not right. Well, long story not so short...lol I came across this page yesterday while looking at the Pure O symptoms again and realized that he also has RO.Everything I read describes him and the things he has done and is doing and I can't help but to feel angry and very hurt that he didn't divulge everything to me from the very beginning. I got bits and pieces, but never the full story. I think if you are aware that you have these types of problems it is very important to communicate that to the person you are interested in dating to give them the opportunity to choose for themself whether they can roll with it.I gave it my best shot, but he gave up on himself and us... :(I truly hope I haven't offended anyone here, that is not my intention.Just wanted to express my thoughts where I know people can relate and will understand. :)
Danni - 1-Nov-13 @ 7:14 PM
I was in a relationship with my recent ex for a little over 2yrs. He has Pure O OCD and immediately after we were intimate for the first time the questions and obsessive behavior started.I made the choice to stay with him and tried to understand and sympathize.He broke up with me twice during all of this and took months long hiatuses from our relationship all the while contacting me to make sure that I remained in his life.We got back together last year after being apart for 3 months when he realized that he might lose me for good, and everything for the most part was fine until a few months ago when I met his family for the first time (they live out of the country) and we started discussing the possibility of moving in together (this was mentioned numerous times before) suddenly he became very distant I saw the signs of another break up on the horizon.This time he wanted to take an indefinate hiatus.Unfortunately, I couldn't do it again even though I'm madly in love with him.I kept asking him why and all he could say is that his anxiety was off the chart and he just keeps feeling like something is just wrong, it's just not right. Well, long story not so short...lol I came across this page yesterday while looking at the Pure O symptoms again and realized that he also has RO.Everything I read describes him and the things he has done and is doing and I can't help but to feel angry and very hurt that he didn't divulge everything to me from the very beginning. I got bits and pieces, but never the full story. I think if you are aware that you have these types of problems it is very important to communicate that to the person you are interested in dating to give them the opportunity to choose for themself whether they can roll with it.I gave it my best shot, but he gave up on himself and us... :(I truly hope I haven't offended anyone here, that is not my intention.Just wanted to express my thoughts where I know people can relate and will understand. :)
Danni - 1-Nov-13 @ 7:09 PM
I just read about ROCD yesterday and was so relieved because my behavior towards my husband (fearing loss, wanting loss, picking on him, criticizing which might bring on the loss) were true. We have talked about it which has helped so much. Awareness is everything. It takes away the concept of blame. It takes away the idea that you are doing it on purpose as though you actually knew what you were doing. It's also understandable given my childhood of being neglected and emotionally abandoned. It is an ANXIETY DISORDER. I have finally found a way to think about it and look back to understand what has been happening and why I had so much fear of abandonment for so long. . . and also began a cycle of wanting to abandon a relationship and making it hard for him. I did read online that there is a natural compound called INOSITOL which can be taken daily with few side effects that causes OCD symptoms to recede. I ordered some from Amazon and am looking forward to trying it in the next few weeks. Those who are looking for help might also want to research and read more about it. I am not recommending it because I haven't tried it myself, but thought that what I read was pretty interesting. Hope this helps!
mulberryshoots - 3-Sep-13 @ 12:15 PM
I'm 27 years old male, I read a TONS of posts on Stuck in a Doorway and Neurotic Planet forum (while still existed, 2 years ago) and can't find someone with similar experience with me until i read post of Stones84, with which they I can identify 80 %. Everybody said that they developing anxiety and thoughts after a couple of months in relationship or they think that partner don't love them cheating on them or they don't love partner. I, like userStones84, develop tornado of thoughts even as soon as mention possibility of relationship, especially after spending a wonderful evening with possibly date, and tomorrow when I wake up guess what...ANXIETY, over analyzing EVERYTHING about that person, and the night before, until moment when head start to hurt me, sweating, hard to concentrate, choking and after that i start to question myself simple question "Why this must happens to me?", and that leads to more ruminating, disappointment and in the end depression and the circle continueson every other time, it hit me in every relationship since the first one!! Example of this would be when a computer got a virus, virus use 100 % resources of processor and everything is slow and misery, like virus when this strikes me i feel weak, no brain power, hardly concentrate, no ability to work/live normal, i can't control this thoughts.... Stones84, if you read this, could you please answer me are you, after 2 years, solved this problem? MY BIGGEST FEAR IS I'LL GET OLD ALONE, BECAUSE I FEAR TO GO IN RELATIONSHIP AND TO FEEL THIS MISERY AGAIN AND AGAIN!! PS - Sorry 4 bad English.
Kratos - 26-Aug-13 @ 7:50 PM
I have been with my boyfriend for two years now, and we have a very loving relationship. Unfortunately I have a big issue with porn, I can't stand the thought of him lookin at other women in that way, let alone the whole masturbation side of it. The thing is, he doesn't do it, he had in the past and we've had massive arguments and he's begged me and cried and said sorry, but in my mind I keep convincing myself that he'll do it again. He's so besotted with me, he shows me he loves me in every way possible, and I know that I love him to. For some reason my mind wanders and I get terrified and angry that he'll do it again. Or I'll convince myself that he wants to or that he doesn't love me and that we're not going to last. Sometimes I even put a time limit on it, and say in my mind 'I give him a month' or 'at least I've got a few months before he does it again'. I try and change my mind when I think those things, think about positive things with our relationship. If I could just get rid of it all then it would be okay, but thoughts creep in and put me in an awful mood. I find it hard to make myself happy and even find a sexual connection because it creeps in my mind 'I'm not good enough' 'what if he's thinking about that while we're doing it'. It's causing me so much harm and I don't want it to ruin my relationship, I love this boy more than anything. I haven't been able to leave him alone in a room without worrying he'll do it, I can't even think about leaving him alone doing nothing while I go out of the house because I just get upset and think he will. I think I do it to prove to myself the relationship won't work. Even though I want it to. Because if I didn't think about it it wouldn't matter and he wouldn't do it but I do think about I as therefore I convince myself it will and I can't leave him alone. I need help, please. I don't want to live in constant paranoia and I can't risk losing him, I love him. That's the only thing I'm sure of, even if I try and convince myself we won't last. I'd really appreciate some help, thank you all in advance.
Tea42 - 26-Aug-13 @ 10:12 AM
My girlfriend is suffering from ROCD. We've been experiencing similar issues to the ones mentioned above for over a year now (some are literally identical of what we go through). We had several breaks (longest being two weeks) but always ended back together. She knows she has OCD and have been taking fluoxetine for over a year now but don't think she yet fully accepts that she has ROCD. Which makes our relationship even more difficult. I have few questions and would be very grateful if someone could help: 1) Is ROCD permanent or could it go away? 2) Is it something that could repeat itself after several years? If yes, is it easier to overcome on the second time? 3) Does anyone have any treatment tips or links to good sources on ROCD treatment? Thanks in advance.
JmsT - 4-Aug-13 @ 12:48 PM
I definitely have OCD, and ROCD is a big part of my dysfunction.I get really mad at my significant other and I feel like I have to get revenge on her and make her suffer for what she has done.What has she done, to me?Nothing.What she has done is she's had relationships in the past -- some were nice and pleasurable, others were not. And I am convinced, in my confused/twisted thinking, that she had better sex with a past lover AND that she thinks about it all the time and thinks less of me as a result.I obsess about her past sexual experiences constantly.Mind you, these relationships happened BEFORE me and have nothing to do with me.And, since my S.O. and I have been together for many years and are now married, these relationships happened A LONG TIME AGO and shouldn't even matter anymore.I obsess over trivial things like how many times my wife had sex with a past partner, if the sex was good, if they used a condom or not (and if not, just how many times they didn't -- as if this is at all important).I'm so insecure and I have a huge inferiority complex.I want to be the best thing that ever happened to my wife, so I obsess over her past relationships, perhaps to convince myself that I am better than all her previous lovers, but what ends up happening is that I start to think that I am inferior to her past lovers and that she's just going out with me out of pity or because I'm a "nice guy".What's really ironic is that my past is far more tainted than hers and I've had some real crazy sexcapades.I've attended SLAA meetings in the past and they were very helpful, as "love addiction" or "relationship addiction" is part of my disorder.I'm set to ruin a perfectly good marriage over my dysfunctional thoughts, which seem to have my brain on some kind of auto-piloted system-override and I have no control over where my thoughts run to.If you are like me, and you're ROCD, then here's a thought that should resonate: You're lover has had past relationships.You're lover has had sex before, and at least some of it was as good as the sex you are having with her (or him), and some of it was perhaps better.You're lover had strong loving feelings for someone else at some point in her past.BIG DEAL!If you're lover is with you now, then all those other people, all those other comparisons, all those other sexual encounters really don't mean anything.Just be happy you're with you're lover now.Hey, in previous relationships, I've had better sex than I currently have with my wife.Does that mean I want to trade her in for a woman that's better in bed?Hell no!I didn't use a condom with most of the girls I've been with -- is that meaningful?Nope.I've been with women that have a better body than my wife.I've beenwith women that are prettier than my wife.Does that mean I don't enjoy having sex with my wife?Hell no!Does that mean I love my wife less?Hell no!But for some reason, I can't s
ksi294 - 14-Jun-13 @ 7:33 PM
My soon to be ex always makes me give something up."You don't love me as much as you love the kids", "make a choice, do you love me or the dogs? You have to choose me or the dogs", "your birds are the cause of my allergies" (he got me the birds), "I am allergic to you, every time we are together I get sick and have to get on medication", "How would you feel if I killed the lizard (a pet)? Do you love it more than me?", "I can't believe you let your son go to the library with a girl without asking me.... you went against me and now you might as well divorce me" (my son was 16, and I was going with them in broad daylight), I am going to stop now.But I just wanted you all to know, I tried for 12 years, leaving and coming back until the 3rd time. I cannot live my life having to prioritize my love for him with everything else going on in it.It was emotionally, verbally, and physically abusive.It is a cycle that has no end for the "sufferer" and others.
sady - 28-May-13 @ 1:20 AM
I was looking up OCD and came across this website! I have always had OCD but in the last year or so I have gotten worse with my relationship. I'm so worried that things will end between us even though I can't help what i am doing but I know he will leave me one day if I carry on!!! I seem to have a phobia of him looking at other women or naked women on tv because if I see him look I automatically think that he likes them better than me!! Even though he always says that he don't. But it's getting to the point now where I ask him not to look and I know I shouldn't be doing that but I can't help my self! I get really stressed out as I can't control it and I feel I'm the only person on this planet that does this :-( I just don't know what to do anymore!!!!
Mandy - 19-Nov-12 @ 8:41 PM
Please visit my blog for solutions for ROCD.
Blip - 11-Sep-12 @ 10:12 AM
I suffered with ROCD for years but I doubted my lover, and I became too controlling because of it. I also tried to change him to make him perfect into my perfect man. A year ago we split because my OCD made me get too controlling, five weeks apart we got back together and everything was great better then ever before (We been together 8 years he's my first ever boyfriend, this never bothered me) that was until my thoughts changed and it made me doubt my own feelings. I could not control my thoughts and my anxiety was so bad I was bed ridden and didn't even have the strength to stand sometimes (I would always have to sit in the shower because of that) I thought it was all a brain tumour before I discovered ROCD and when I did and read about it I started to cry because right there was the answer! I battled for months, got on medication and my anxiety went away. That caused the backdoor spike to appear but I still knew deep down I loved him and wanted to be with him. In june my insecurities got the better of me and I threatened one of hisfriends who is a girl because I was jealous of her and thought he'd leave me for her. These insecurities are caused because we live three hours apart because his family moved some years ago but we wanted to stay together even if our visits werescarce in between. He did leave me, he ignored me for five weeks (crazy that was how long we were apart last time and we got back together on the sunday of the fifth week like before)I told him love, real love, doesn't involve feelings but is a choice and every relationship has problems and don't hate me because of my disorder that I been working hard on. The entire time he was gone, I was miserable and begging him back, I obsessed about him with another girl. When he came back I was happy, but I still worried about him. We haven't said I love you to each other since we agreed to take it slow, I been bursting to tell him and when I think of him not loving me I get this clenching feeling in the very pit of my stomach. Then one day I was on cam and got bored watching him play his video games and I felt he wasn't giving me the attention he should. Then I started doubting myself. My future with him, my feelings, what if I was just desperate for him and don't want to go through getting close to another man that I'm staying with him only because of that? is that it? Do I love him? We have much in common but my OCD makes me reflect on the things we dont...Oh god! Love is not a feeling but a choice...it's getting harder...I want to be with him, least I think i do...eeeryone things we're not right for each other and I reflect on what others say. This sucks. I curse him also for running off and causing me to really think I lost it this time and that its real....I feel sick
Ladystark - 7-Sep-12 @ 4:56 AM
to everybody with ROCD, don't suffer in silence ok? this helped me tremendously, and knowing my partner understands me and i don't have to feel Paralyzed with guilt and feeling fake anymore has helped me a lot now My Beautiful Partner wrote this last year and she has made me feel good about myself, knowing i dont have to feel like i`m a bad person and that its "just me" when its not The Indescribable shoes How does one describe the indescribable? A life where there is never a certainty, but forever a continuation of torturous doubt. A life where Love cannot be felt without pain. A simple thought cannot be had with a compulsion to analyse....A smile cannot come without guilt... and a lifetime of loneliness feels the same as never being alone. Trapped in a world where you are never certain if a thought is really your own....A world where the illogical merges into the Logical... Sweating, Panic, guts twisting and Fear....A never ending Fear. A fear of the unknown....But the unknown is you. Take a moment, any moment in your life with the one you Love, a moment that fills you with happiness...... Now think about that moment. Were you really happy on that day? Did you pretend to be someone your not to make that person happy? Where you really in love on that day or did you just say it? Did you question anything on that day? Are you sure you felt love or was it just lust? Were you relieved when the day was over? Are you supposed to be relieved for a day to be over if your in love? Do you still feel that way about them now? Are you in love or out of love? Do you feel trapped or anxious when they ask you to do something which you really don’t fancy doing? Do you make up excuses? Do you lie? Should you lie when your in love with someone? Does that make you fake? Was that day really all that happy or are you just remembering it that way?......Are you Sure? Heart starts to race, stomach feels a little knotted, you keep looking at those questions, becoming a bit panicky and in comes fear....because your not sure anymore....One beautiful moment in time, in love... that you now no longer have the certainty in your mind of what you felt....and it’ll eat at you. If you were so sure before, but now you’re questioning it....is everything else Real anymore? And now you begin to think of other moments....What about the disagreements? What about that time they irritated you?....Are you really sure this is the ONE for you? You wake in the morning, they are coming over tonight....anxiety sets in, have you been a fake all this time? How can you look at them in the eye? How can you tell them you love them when your not sure? How can you be affectionate...when you look at them and just see questions? Is this fair on them when you don’t know how you feel? Should you just get through this and hope the right feeling comes.....? They leave, it was wonderful.... so beautiful, so amazing, so IN LOVE.... Now you can just chill out, relieved the
Waynester - 3-Jul-12 @ 7:23 PM
Urgh this is exactly what I'm doing atm, I truly believe that this guy is THE one, its not like my heart explodes when I see him, but he knws what to say and do to make me happy regardless of my mood, he can always make me laugh, feel safe when I'm stressed he without forcing me gets me to confess all and has this calming affect on me and helps me work through it, he truly is my counterpart .... I've even gone off the pill and we're trying for a baby, And as soon as I was about to tell him I love him then this little voice comes into my head saying "are you sure" "are you just trying to get yourself to like him" and "you don't really" and it just doesn't stop ever! Constant battle in my brain even though I know I love him, I'm so scared if I don't stop ths I'm going to loose him and I don't want that.... It seems that I have this , like 100 percent but I don't have ordinary O0D I think, I know I overthink every little detail and every decision, but this ROCD. I need help , do I go to doctor do I tell him I think I have this, do I take meds, do I give up, I need strategies... I am begggin for help as I don't want to loose him... I am so happy until I think!!!!!! Please help!
jordanc171 - 17-Jun-12 @ 1:24 PM
Please can somebody contact me that is in my situation. Totally OCD about my relationship and how I feel and if im in love or not to the extent I want to end it with him because my mind is driving me mad. :-(
Mich - 2-May-12 @ 3:24 PM
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